I received an email that read, “There's something wrong with me. Why can't I have healthy relationships? Every time I get close to someone, it turns into a toxic mess. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I thought I had found the perfect partner when we first met. But then, little by little, the cracks started to show. The compliments turned into criticism, the what-are-we talks turned into demands for commitment, and the love turned into possessiveness and control. I was caught in a trap, and I didn't know how to get out.
Now I'm alone again, and I feel like I'm damaged goods. Every time I try to connect with someone, I feel like I'm just setting myself up for another heartache. What am I doing wrong? Is there something wrong with me?”
It's not uncommon to feel like you're damaged goods after being in a toxic relationship. It can be hard to trust yourself or anyone else after experiencing that kind of pain. But it's important to remember that you are not responsible for the toxicity in your past relationships. You can't control how someone else treats you, and you can't change your partner's behavior.
If you want to start rebuilding your trust in yourself and others, it can be helpful to seek out the support of loved ones, a counselor, or a relationship coach like me who can help you work through your experiences in a safe and non-judgmental environment. Talking about the things that hurt will allow you to process those experiences, so they don't have as much power over you.
We may never fully understand why some relationships are toxic and others are healthy, but what's important is that we learn from those experiences so we can create healthier bonds in our future. In the end, there's nothing wrong with us – it's the people who treat us poorly who need to change. And when we're ready, there are plenty of healthy people out there who will be happy to welcome us into their lives.
Here are seven things you can do to start reclaiming your power after leaving a toxic relationship:
- Recognize that you deserve to feel loved and respected by the people in your life. When we're in a toxic relationship, it's easy to lose sight of our self-worth. But you are deserving of respect and love, no matter what mistakes have been made in the past.
- Focus on your own healing and growth, rather than trying to change or fix your former partner. It's easy to get so caught up in trying to make our exes "see the light" that we forget about our own needs. But by focusing on yourself, you can work through your pain and start building a brighter future for yourself.
- Surround yourself with supportive people who will listen to your experiences and help boost your self-esteem. It's important to have a strong support network behind you during this time, so seek out the company of positive and loving friends who can remind you that you're worthy of being loved.
- Journal about your experiences, work through your feelings, and reflect on what you've learned. This is a great way to process your emotions so that they don't weigh you down as heavily.
- Practice self-care by taking time for yourself each day to relax, reflect, and recharge your energy levels. Whether this means going for a run, hitting the spa, or just taking a hot bath, do what you need to do to restore your physical and emotional health.
- Rediscover the things that you enjoy doing – and start doing them again. Whether it's reading, painting, or going out with friends, spend some time doing activities that make you happy.
- Remember that there are people out there who will love and appreciate you for who you are – and they're worth waiting for. When you've spent a long time in a toxic relationship, it can be easy to feel like you'll never find someone who truly respects and cares for you. But the right people are out there – all you have to do is believe in yourself and keep moving forward.
If you're struggling with your self-confidence after leaving a toxic relationship, know that you're not alone. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and with time and care, you'll get there.
To learn how I can support you in moving forward after heartbreak, book a strategy session today and find out how to choose so you won’t lose!
