What happens when you go grocery shopping and aren’t clear about what you need? Usually, you come out with more than you intended to buy.
Isn’t that funny, the same tool you use to keep your spending on track while you’re grocery shopping is the same tool you use to keep yourself focused while you’re on the dating field…..a list.
Yeah, I can hear you now, I don’t need a dating list, maybe not, but you do need to know what you want in a spouse so when the wrong person comes lurking, you’ll be able to keep your heart guarded.
See, if you’re more focused on being in a relationship than you are on what you need from the relationship, you’ll keep getting what you don’t need which leads to confusion and not a union!
When you are confident in who you are as a person, clear about what you need in a partner, and can stay committed to your values, it’s hard for someone to confuse you and then turn around and use you.
Today I’m sharing some insight on how you can stop being confused and getting used on the dating scene.
Let’s talk…
Hi, I’m Dr. Patricia Shaw, a Christian Relationship Coach, and I help lead women to their definition of relationship success so they can find rapture in the warm embrace of love rather than fear it.
Today’s question came from a Facebook follower who says, “I’ve been in a relationship with a man for a few years now and he still has not divorced his wife. He is married but separated. Is it wrong to be in a relationship with a married man, even though he’s separated?
Well, if you believe what’s written in the Bible as I do, then YES, it is spiritually wrong. I could give the person who posed this question many scriptures that talk about fornication and adultery but most people don’t take action on the advice they’re given because it doesn’t align with who they are and as a Christian Relationship Coach I do not give advice, instead, I ask powerful questions that lead my clients to discovery so they can create the life they love and live it.
So the question I asked her was, “what would cause a woman to settle for being in a relationship with a man who cheats on his wife and lies to her when she has so much to offer the right man?”
I remember some years ago, the brand of deodorant named Sure, had an advertising campaign that said, “raise your hand if you’re sure” There commercial showed men and women dancing, playing sports, and other activities that would cause a person to sweat, but not those wearing their deodorant.
This brand of deodorant was so confident, that they named their product “Sure.” And even now, you can find this brand of deodorant today, and as a matter of fact, I use it.
See, it wasn’t the fact that Sure was the only deodorant in the 80s that kept them contending as a viable brand today, it was the perception they left in the minds of the buyer that has allowed them to survive and not die.
What do you believe would cause an amazing woman to get caught up in a relationship with a man who cannot give her the kind of love she desires or deserves?”
Well, the simple answer is, she hasn’t identified what she needs in a relationship and until she identifies what she needs, she’ll continue getting what she doesn’t want and that’s heartache.
Until you are sure about what you need in a relationship, you’ll continue being a man’s playmate instead of his helpmate. A playmate plays the position of a wife while a helpmate walks in her assignment.
Now, you might ask, how do you stop being confused and getting used on the dating field?
Here are five steps you can use today to guard your heart and identify what’s important to you in a relationship.
If you're looking for love, there's no shortage of options. With dating apps, blind dates, and speed dating, it's easy to meet a lot of people. But how can you tell if someone is right for you? And how do you know when to move on? Here are five steps you can use today to guard your heart and identify what's important to you in a relationship.
1. Pray and ask God to reveal His will for your love life.
What does asking God to reveal His will for your love life look like? This may look different for everyone, but some ways you can ask God to reveal His will for your dating life are through prayer, studying the Bible, and seeking godly counsel.
So many times, people go into dating without even knowing what they're looking for. They're just trying to have fun or kill time. But if you want a dating life that leads to marriage, you need to start with prayer and ask God what He wants for your love life.
2. Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a partner.
When you are dating, it is important to know what you are looking for in a partner. This will help you to avoid wasting time with people who are not right for you. Make a list of the qualities that are important to you, such as:
-Kind
-Funny
-Loving
-Based on common interests
-Attractive to you
-Reliable
-Trustworthy
3. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.
Just because someone is interested in you, doesn't mean that you should settle for less than what you deserve. If someone does not possess the qualities that are important to you, then it's time to move on.
It's important to know what you want in a relationship and to hold out for someone who meets those standards. Otherwise, you'll just be settling for less than what you deserve.
4. Be honest with yourself.
When it comes to dating, honesty is the best policy. If you're not looking for a serious relationship, be honest from the start. Don't lead someone on or give them false hope. Be upfront about what you're looking for and what you're not looking for. This will save you and the other person a lot of time and heartache.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, don't be afraid to be open and honest about it. It's important to be on the same page from the start. Otherwise, you may waste your time dating someone who isn't looking for the same thing as you are.
5. Set boundaries.
Boundaries are important in any relationship, but they're especially important when you're dating. By setting boundaries, you let your date know what's acceptable and what's not. This can help prevent hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
It's also important to set boundaries with yourself. Know what you're looking for in a relationship, and don't settle for anything less. If someone doesn't meet your standards, move on.
Dating can be a daunting task, but you can protect your heart and make the process a little less scary by following these five simple steps. And don’t forget – we have a free guide with seven tips to help you navigate the dating world. So download it now, put on your armor, and get out there!
